Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Sat Jan 24, 2004 at 02:55:04 pm EST

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Just another day at the Moon Public Library
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On the dark side of Earth's Moon in the northern hemisphere. Nestled amid the cratered lunar surface standing majestically the circular building known as the Moon Public Library.

It now way after business hours but there is still someone there & it's not Lee. A humanoid male made sure that the equalizer was fully operational before he used it and then applied it to the last safeguard on the computer. With an loud ping the last safety protocol on one of the many MPL’s computer stations gives up and the programs were open to for his "inspection". He was a little surprised at the volume of information. Possibly a million times more than he has ever seen at any other Library, on earth or in space. Given that he has only been to one other space library, that's a lot of info.

“Quite a collection, isn’t it?” a kindly female voice said.

He spun around to see no one. He goes back to what he was doing.

"Do you have a card ?" the voice asks. This time the man ignores the voice.

"I'm guessing because your ignoring me now, you don't. And seeing that you are here after hours, your here to steal some info. I think this makes you the 18th person to attempt to steal info from us this month. Congratulations!"

Then, all the bookcase retract into the walls and/or floor of the Library. Also, all the computer stations around the main floor retracted into the floor, along with the one the man was "working" at.

"Now, we can talk uninterrupted by those."

Now, he is paying attention. He pulls out his weapon & starts to look for the person the voice belongs to.

"You're not going to find me. I'm not even here on this floor."

He creeps around anyway. He then bumps into someone, they were standing in a darkened corner. He turns around to see this humanoid robot wearing a tux jacket & his eyes glowing an unearthly orange.

"Can I help you with something ?" He asked in a creepy british tone.

"Uh, no."

"Then what are you doing here. Most people like you come to Libraries looking for something. I am here to help. So, what are you doing here if you don't need anything ?"

The man fires at A.L.F.RED before he could finnish.

"What did you do that ? My armor easily protects me from your bullets."

"A reflex, I guess."

Right before the man's eyes the robot changes from peaceful looking robotic butler wearing a tux jacket to a heavy duty combat robot who now stands amidst the remnants of the same tux jacket. He looked like a mix between a man & a tank.

"Now it's my turn to shoot." A.L.F.RED says with what looks like a smile on his face.

The man see the fingers of the robot turn into gun barrels.

"A.L.F.RED, stop!" said the voice. Then some nondescript robotic avatars of D.D., the MPL's A.I., came over to A.L.F.RED to stop him from advancing.

"Alright, D.D. But if he does anything I deem odd, I'll shoot."

The man holsters his weapon, but keeps his hand on it. He wants to shoot robot before he shoots him.

"Sorry, but we take our job seriously here at the Library." D.D. said.

"It's ok. I take my job seriously, too."

"Which is ?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why ?" A.L.F.RED said now back in his normal guise.

"Then I'd have to kill you." The man said a bit sarcastically.

"Well, then I'd have to kill you first." A.L.F.RED said. The man couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"Ok, my next question is why are you here after hours ?" D.D. said.

"I need some info & I don't like crowds."

"We are on the internet." A.L.F.RED says sarcastically.

"Too easy, I like a challenge."

"Well, we don't like people breaking in." A.L.F.RED said.

"What I'm looking for is a book or just some info on a Earth car."

"They have Libraries on Earth. They aren't as good as this one but it would have info on any number of Earth cars." D.D. said.

"A special car."

"Which is ?" A.L.F.RED said getting annoyed with this man. His mind is preparing all the different way he could dispose of this man. The list was at 9,988,99,01 & still going.

"A Buick Skylark."

"Ok, Sir. Will you please follow the arrows to the Automotive department & there I think you can find the info you are looking for." D.D. said.

He looked down & arrows started to light up on the floor. They lead down a hallway, the man followed.

As soon as he was out of sight, A.L.F.RED asked D.D. a question.

"Who do you think he is ?"

"The libraries records' say that he is Mr. Jonathan Harold Smith. Hacker for Hire."

"Anything else ?"

"Yes, but most of it is boring."

"Why do you think he is here ?"

"What else, Hacking !"

"D.D., could you show me a live video feed of the Automotive department ?" A.L.F.RED asked.

"Sure."

One of the computer stations came out of the floor with the video fed on screen.

"Now, show me Mr. Smith."

The camera changes to Mr. Smith reading a book about a Buick Skylark. He has a couple other books around."

"I guess he was telling the truth." A.L.F.RED said.

"I guess so. I'll stay operational until he leaves. You can go back to recharging." D.D. said.

"Ok. Activate me if you need any help." A.L.F.RED said then turned to go to one of the lower floors of the Library. He was heading for his closet.
-------

The Next Morning. The Library is busy: the rows were filled by restless students from the Galactic universities in the area. They were searching for research for their papers. The most popular books during these times are the abridged versions of books.

One student walks up to the reference desk & asks a bit cocky. "Can I see the Librarian ?"

One of D.D.'s many robotic avatars responded in her voice "Is there a problem ?"

"Not really. I just wanted to see him & according to this book, he should always be here." He said cockily.

The student was reading the Laws of the IOL. The abridged version, of course.

"Well, he's not here at the moment."

"What ? Then I should report him to his boss. Then, he'll get in trouble. I'll be a hero." the student said with glee.

Just then, out of nowhere a gust of wind wind starts up, blowing papers around. Some students run after the notes. A six-foot tall horizontal rectangular doorway opened up near the information desk, The door glimmered with light. A man stepped through, he had mid neck length brown hair, his skin was a bit pale & he wore frame less glasses. He was also wearing a long brown trench coat, it reached the ground, the ends of the coat were frayed, dirty & a bit burnt. Under his trench coat, he wore a two-toned blue & black jumpsuit with gunmetal black leather belt. He had stylized yellow "L" on his silver belt buckle. On his hands is a pair of dark brown, well wore, gloves; the fingertips of the gloves are cut off exposing his fingers. He also wore a pair of gunmetal black leather boots, that matched his belt, with dark brown leather straps. On the straps are silver metal clasps, there are three straps & claps on each boot. In his left hand was what looked to be an old book bounded in a type of leather & in the right hand was a lower part of some reptilian creature's arm.

"Hey, D.D. How's it going ?" Lee said as the doorway closed behind him. The wind stopped as soon as the door closed.

"Lee, your back. How was the trip ?" The avatar said in a cheerful tone.

"Ok. Could have been better." Lee said as he placed the book on the counter. The book's cover & the corners of most of the pages were burnt much like Lee's coat.

Lee then notices the student. "Hey, how's it going !"

"Are you the Librarian here ?"

"Yes. What can I do for you ?"

"I just thought I'd tell that I am going to report you for abandoning your post to the IOL Governors."

Lee then notices the law book in his hand.

"Do you want to look stupid ?" he said slyly.

"No."

"Then, Don't report me. A Librarian can leave his or her post if it is in the pursuit of text. I left to get some new old books for the Library. The IOL knows that, they made up the law. So, if you report me for abandoning my post, which I did not & they send someone all the way out here from the IOL homeworld. That's a good couple days journey, even a light speed. And, they find that I didn't do what they were reported as me doing, they are going to be mad. You don't want to see them angry, I know from personal experience. So, I ask you again: do you want to look stupid ?"

"No." The student said then walked away.

"I thought you were going for a collection of books, not just one ?" The avatar asked.

"I did. But the last owner, who stole it from another IOL library, didn't want to give it up."

"So what happened ?"

Lee puts the arm on the counter with the book.

"You didn't rip his arm because he didn't give you the books, did you ?" The avatar asked a bit timidly.

"No, he blew up his house to stop me from taking the books. I opened a doorway, stepped in out of the way of the blast. When I went back a few minutes later, all I could find was this arm & this book."

"Oh. Do you want to have this book catalogued ?"

"Yeah, sure. Thanks!"

"No problem." The avatar of D.D. said.

"Oh, Sir!" Lee heard from across the main rotunda. Lee turned to see A.L.F.RED coming towards him.

"Yes, A.L.F. What can I do for you ?"

"No, I am here to serve you but thank you for asking. How was the trip ?"

"Good." Lee said as he shrugged his shoulders.

A.L.F.RED then noticed the arm & book.

"D.D. said you were going for a collection of books, but you do know that a collection is more than a book, sir ?"

"Well, To get the collection, I had to get it from someone who didn't want to give it me & they blew up there house. I am guessing that this is all that is left of him & the collection."

"Are you ok ?"

"Yeah, Unless there is anything else you want to ask me, I am going to my quarters to take a shower."

"One other thing, Dr. Blargelslarch sent over scrolls & I had them cataloged. They are in scroll section 1B on the third floor, if your interested."

"Send the good doctor a thank you note, I'll look at them later." Lee said & then turned to walk down on the rod iron staircase to the the lower, employee only, floors of the library.

Lee walked down one of the hallway on Sub-Floor 1. He turns at the trophy room. It contains all the Earth artifacts collected over the years by the Librarians who have worked on the Earth's moon. The Collection is mostly space gear left on the moon & space junk that was floating around in space that was interesting. But, some of the collection includes terrain newspaper clippings, pictures & other assorted Earth by-products. Lee walks past a Yellow Flashlight power battery given to his pretisesor, assorted pictures of the different incarnations of the MPL, A jar containing the heart of Lee's, now dead, evil clone. The journals of Todd, the first Moon Public Librarian, the journals of a couple other Librarians. Lee wonders through the white room among the displays. Lee knows ever inch of this room, but still comes in about once a day. Just before he leaves the room, he passes by some artifacts from the time of his death. He smiles & then exits.

A short walk down the hall from the trophy room, Lee presses in the four digit code & the door to his living quarters opens. He puts his trench coat on the coat rack by the door. A couple other identical trench coats hang there, too. Lee's Quarters look like your normal Earth Apartment. Lee has a small sitting area, it's littered with books. His TV is placed on a pile of books & books are piled on top. Behind the sitting area is a small kitchen, beyond that is his bedroom that is also littered with books. Just off the sitting room is the bathroom. Along the walls, much like the books, they are littered with pictures of Lee's life. People he has met, family photos, etc. A very messy room compared to the rest of the Library. He likes it, it has a homey feel. Lee takes of the top half of his IOL uniform & throws it on the couch. As he walks to the bathroom, he can see his scars on his back in the mirror.

"Ah, scars. A badge of a life long obsession with books." Lee thinks, he let's out a laugh. He takes the rest of the uniform off & let's fall in a pile on the floor. Lee gets into the the shower.

A half hour later, Lee gets out of the shower & walk to his bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He goes to his closet. He opens it to put on another IOL uniform, the practically only clothing he has beyond his coats.

Lee leaves his quarters to return to work.

As Lee leaves, he thinks " The Job of a Librarian is never done."

He takes the long way back to the main floor, He walks past the trophy room. He walks by some of the windows looking down on the arboretum. It contains endangered species of flora & fauna in a couple different micro-ecosystem from around the universe. As Lee walks by a few of Biridon Tyracts, from Galactia Prime, fly over a section of jungle ecosystem. Lee spends a lot of his free time wondering through the arboretum.

Then, Lee walks back up one of the rod iron staircase to the main floor. As Lee gets closer he can hear the hussle & bussle of the Library patrons. Unlike many Librarians, Lee doesn't mind people making noise as long as it's at an appropriate tone.

"Hey, A.L.F.RED ! Where did you say those Scrolls were ?" Lee calls out.

The End.



-------------------------
Footnotes:

Dr. Blargelslarch: He was first mentioned of having visited the MPL in the "Lost Poetry" by Ian Watson. Dr. Blargelslarch is an alien scholar who spends a lot of his time uncovering ancient treasures & is one of the benefactors/patron of the MPL.

This is the first Lee Bookman story that I have written in a long time (like 6 months). With people like Ian Watson & Killer Shrike out there writing these great Lee Bookman stories. I feel like I just don't match up to them when I write Lee. Plus, I haven't really some up with any good ideas for Lee Bookman's Stories. I don't think I have ever done a Lee Bookman storyline. Most times my Lee Bookman stories are one-shots that follow a chronological order.



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